…at 1:30pm today, I realized that I was hungry and had not yet taken a lunch break. I decided to get some gas and head through a drive-thru to grab something to bring back to the office. My choices were to make a Left out of the Chevron lot to hit McDonalds, or take a Right and go to Taco Bell. It wasn’t an easy choice for me…but I can tell you with the utmost certainty that I chose the wrong direction.

The Taco Bell drive-thru experience was actually pretty great. My order taker was pleasant and even asked how I was doing…and get this…she waited for an answer! I placed my order and pulled up to the pay window…I had exact change. Always a good feeling to me…must be a “type-A” thing. It wasn’t until I actually looked in the wrappers did I realize that my lunch took a turn for the worse. I’ll admit that my order was a bit of a gamble…I’ll explain.

You see…Joe had made a run to Taco Bell a week or more ago to grab dinner for us. Our air conditioner has been broken so it’s been too hot to cook anything and well, it sounded good. I asked him to get me two chicken soft tacos. I’ve always ordered these when I’m trying to watch what I eat. They’re a solid choice since they consist of a tortilla, pieces of white meat chicken, lettuce, and cheese. Each one of these is only 5 points on WeightWatchers (can’t help but think in these terms) and they’re quite large and filling…and well balanced on the food pyramid.

When Joe got back I was shocked when I opened the wrapper and exclaimed, “what’s this?” Supposedly the guy at the drive through was confused when Joe ordered and by the time they were done discussing what kind of soft taco I wanted, I ended up with a “spicy” chicken soft taco off of the value menu. Joe didn’t have much confidence in the order…so he ordered some extra stuff just in case…thank you Joe! What I ended up receiving, instead of my beloved chicken soft taco, was a disgusting…cream sauced…psudo spicy red coated chicken…tomato ridden slop in a soggy flour tortilla. I ate the extra stuff Joe had bought and we chaulked it up to the drive-thru attendant’s incompetence.

However, today I tested fate by ordering a chicken soft taco along with my two tostadas (which, by the way, is not a great thing to order unless you’re eating there…they get soggy even if your drive back is only a few minutes). This was risky, I know. When I opened up the taco wrapper, I got angry…what’s the deal with people giving me this nasty version of a chicken soft taco? I never used to have this problem and it’s such a simple order! When I got back to the office, I tried the taco again, just to make sure that it was indeed as disgusting as I remembered it. It was. I wasn’t sure what was in the taco…but after one bite, I could not go on…it was VILE!

Like any rational person, I figured that I owed it to Taco Bell to let them know that I am unhappy with receiving this gross concoction when I ordered a chicken soft taco…and that it’s happened at two locations. I figured their website would have a comments section. Their site requires you to have Flash…which I don’t have installed at work…and doesn’t offer a Flash-free alternative. Now I’m even angrier. That was a dead end…but I got to thinking that maybe it wasn’t a fluke…two different Taco Bells serving this in two different cities, maybe it was a replacement for my beloved Chicken Soft Taco.

I turned to the Wiki for answers…

Supposedly, what I received was a “Ranchero” Chicken Soft Taco made with chicken, lettuce, cheese, fiesta salsa, and creamy avocado ranch sauce in a tortilla. They no longer list the regular Chicken Soft Taco on their menu. I’m here to tell you that the so-called “creamy avocado ranch sauce” tastes neither like avocado nor ranch…and if you don’t like tomato (like me), stay far away from the fiesta salsa because that’s pretty much all it is. It was soggy, the lettuce was wilted, there was very little cheese (but really, it was Taco Bell so I wasn’t surprised by this), and the avocado ranch sauce was disgusting and the chicken was coated in a not-so-spicy red goo. Not to mention how they’ve made something that was perfectly healthy into a sauce drowned disaster.

Beware of anything Ranchero at Taco Bell…I’ve learned my lesson and am trying to save all of you from the same fate.